What It's Like for Autistic Women to Navigate Social Interactions

Much like most autistic individuals, manoeuvring through the complexities of social interactions can feel like an endurance test for space exploration—only, instead of dodging asteroids, we’re dodging awkward silences and trying to interpret the cosmic language of social cues. Imagine floating in zero gravity, but instead of feeling weightless, you’re weighed down by the pressure of making small talk.

As we navigate this fickle terrain of social interactions, we encounter social black holes that threaten to pull us into a void of “What do I say next?” and "I think I need to pretend to be interested by doing the human nodding." The unpredictable facial expressions are like cosmic snowballs—one minute, we’re cruising along, and the next, BAM! We’re hit with a wave of dread because we realised we just laughed out loud at a joke that was told only in our heads.

Navigating Social Interactions: Autistic Women Lost in Space

In the following chapters, allow me to illustrate a humorous example of how autistic women navigate social interactions. Afterwards, I will offer a detailed breakdown of some of the strategies we employ in our daily lives in the later sections of this article.

Chapter 1: The Quest for the Perfect Social Gathering

Once upon a time in a land filled with small talk and awkward silences, our heroine set out on a quest to explore the cosmos of socialising. With a backpack and pockets full of her trusty sensory toolkit (noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses, an emergency pair of 100% soft cotton joggers, snacks, and fidget fingers) she bravely ventured into the wild world of social gatherings. Spoiler: it was far from a fairy tale.

Chapter 2: Social Mapping Without Experiencing Autistic Burnout

Initially, she turned to the ancient scrolls (a.k.a. Google) for tips on easing autistic burnout during social interactions. She discovered that minimising eye contact was crucial, but it was just as important not to mask by simulating laughter with others. She decided to practice her “friendly gaze without actually looking” on her dog, who remained unimpressed.

Chapter 3: The Art of Small Talk

Armed with a couple phrases like “How's it going?!” and “Have you seen the latest Squid Game?” she approached the social gathering. Unfortunately, she accidentally unleashed a torrent of facts about the pattern of entertainment strategies of K-drama instead. The crowd was entertained, but not in the way she intended.

Chapter 4: The Dance of the Social Astronaut

She can pretend to mingle, as she understands that socialising was like a dance—one that she had never mastered but can imitate using the patterns of social interactions she has memorised. She floated awkwardly from group to group, resembling a confused astronaut drawn to space exploration but unsure if it was wise. Her elegant retreat to the sofa tucked in the corner was the evening's highlight.

Chapter 5: The Escape Pod

After a few hours of navigating the social labyrinth, she activated her emergency escape pod: the “I need to go to my car” manoeuvre. This involved a swift exit, a deep breath, and a moment of reflection on why she thought this was a good idea in the first place. In zero gravity, we float. In social situations, we might feel like we're floating, too—right out of the conversation!

Chapter 6: The Aftermath

Returning home, she collapsed onto her sofa, surrounded by her beloved sensory items. She realised that while social gatherings might be challenging, they also provided endless material for her inner stand-up comedian. After all, who else could turn a sofa retreat disaster into a legendary story?

Return to Earth: Debriefing After Social Missions

Our heroine continued her journey through social spaces, armed with humour and a better understanding of her own quirks. Because if there’s one thing she learned, it’s that every awkward moment is just a stepping stone on the path to becoming the social astronaut she never knew she could be—complete with a quirky, unpredictable floating style.

Masking Our True Nature: The Ultimate Space Suit

The pressure to adhere to societal norms is like wearing a space suit that’s two sizes too small. We’re sweating meteoroids trying to manage the unpredictability of social interactions as autistic women, all while hoping our “cool” composure doesn’t malfunction. By the end of the social mission, we’re left feeling exhausted, like we’ve just completed a 12-hour spacewalk without a bathroom break—frustrated, anxious, and questioning why we thought it was a good idea to engage in human contact in the first place.

Masking in social interactions is not a natural ability for autistic women; it is a learned behaviour, much like the intensive preparation needed to wear a space suit. This learning process, whether conscious or subconscious, is aimed at teaching us to blend into a world where we often feel out of place. Personally, I have been taught to mask from a young age, beginning with subtle remarks from my family about being "too something." Everyone may have their own list of "toos," and here is mine:

• Too stubborn

• Too strange

• Too annoying

• Too introverted

• Too independent

• Too lazy

• Too quiet

• Too headstrong

• Too rude

• Too tomboy

• Too sensitive

Sadly, many autistic individuals are raised in a society that expects us to conform to certain standards. When we don't fit that mould, we often face harsh words from others who are trying to force an octagon into a triangular hole. This learned behaviour can carry into adulthood, leading autistic women to become experts at masking our true selves in social interactions to satisfy those who struggle to understand our genuine identity.

This is particularly relevant in Asian culture, where adhering to traditional expectations of girlhood and womanhood is essential, or else we risk being labelled as a bad daughter, sister, niece, aunt, wife or mother. This results in an invisible pressure to continually engage in masking, with these masks always at hand, prepared for the elaborate act of autistic women masking in social interactions.

In the aftermath, we may reflect on the entire ordeal with a mix of confusion and self-doubt. Was it worth the effort? Did we truly connect with anyone, or was it merely a performance? The societal expectations weigh heavily on our minds, making us question the authenticity of our interactions and the cost of conforming to social norms. In this intricate dance of human connection, the desire for acceptance in social interactions often clashes with the need for genuine self-expression as autistic women, leading to a complex emotional landscape that can be both isolating and overwhelming.

Solution: Celebrate the True Identities of Autistic Women Without Masking

Let’s be real: masking is like wearing a space suit made of marshmallows—sure, it looks delicious, but it’s a sticky mess underneath! Let us peel off those layers and celebrate the incredible, unmasked identities of autistic women.

By embracing authenticity, humour and creativity, we can create an environment where autistic women feel empowered to express their true selves in social interactions. So let’s ditch the masks and celebrate the unique traits that define us, and be unapologetically ourselves—quirks, silent but explosive laughters, and everything else!

The Fun of Searching the Database of Facial Expressions

In social interactions where we're uncertain about how to react, we often frantically search our memory for stored facial expressions to use at the right moment, ideally with the appropriate person. It's similar to finding a particular song on a playlist with a million tracks—except the playlist is in our heads, and the songs have weird names like "Awkward Smile" and "Confused Puppy."

Those who know us well can recognise our "scanning-the-database" expression, which usually resembles eye rolls that may indicate disapproval or boredom, mixed with a hint of dread. Our allies understand to give us some time to make the connection, often reassuring us with phrases like, "No rush, we've got time! It's not a race... unless it's a competition for the weirdest expression!"And when we finally select an expression, it’s a bit like hitting the jackpot on a slot machine. “Ding ding ding! I’ve chosen ‘Polite Chuckle’—now, let’s hope it’s appropriate for the conversation about taxes!”

The next time you see us in deep thought with our eyes darting side to side, just know: we’re not irritated or daydreaming about puppies or thinking about what’s for dinner; we’re simply figuring out whether to smile, frown, or unleash the rarely used “What on Earth are you talking about?” face. It’s a tough job, so patience is appreciated!

When Smiling Bobbleheads Become Social Movements

For many autistic women, simulating interest often resembles a smiling bobblehead on a dashboard—nodding along to the rhythm of small talk while secretly wishing for a fast-forward button. While this strategic approach can be very effective in social interactions, it doesn't necessarily promote the most empowering way for autistic women to embrace their authenticity.

The Art of the Smile and Nod

Imagine this: we’re at a social event, and someone starts rambling about their latest app idea. We’re nodding and smiling like a dutiful bobblehead, but inside, we’re plotting our escape route and doing everything possible to keep our eyes from betraying our boredom. We think “If I just nod a little harder, maybe I can blend in with the background.”

Empowerment: The Anti-Bobblehead Movement

Instead of channeling your inner dashboard ornament, why not embrace your quirks? Authenticity can be the new cool, and there's no need to be a bobblehead when you can be an extraordinary, unique astronaut. So, the next time you find yourself in a social situation, remember: it’s okay to skip the nodding and just say, “I’d rather talk about the crisis of a potato!” After all, potatoes have feelings too!

Be Part of the Revolution!

Shed the bobblehead routine and tap into your inner potato philosopher! Whether you're at a social event or just hanging out, let your unique thoughts flow endlessly like fries at a McDonald's kids' party. These moments are perfect opportunities to express your unique perspective and engage in meaningful conversations that challenge the status quo.

Keep in mind: life is too short to nod along like a plastic doll, trapped in a perpetual state of agreement and passivity. Stand up, be a potato, and let the world know you’re ready to peel back the layers of conformity that often smother creativity and individuality. So, let your thoughts bubble to the surface and engage with others in a way that fosters growth, understanding, and connection.

By becoming part of this movement, you’re not just advocating for your own voice; you’re encouraging other autistic individuals to do the same. Challenge the norms that dictate how we should express or what we should be. When you embrace your inner potato philosopher, you cultivate an environment where everyone feels empowered to share their thoughts, no matter how unconventional they may seem. Together, we can create a vibrant display of ideas that enriches our lives and the lives of those around us.

Gather your courage, step out of the shadows of conformity, and let your personality shine. The world is waiting for your unique flavour, so don’t hold back! Engage in discussions, share your passions, and let your voice be heard. After all, in a society that often values uniformity, being a potato philosopher is not just a personal journey; it’s a call to action for everyone to embrace their individuality and contribute to a richer, more diverse dialogue.

Conclusion: Let’s Get Awkward!

Masking is like putting on a disguise for a never-ending game of “Guess Who?” where the only answer is “Not Me!” For many autistic women, the act of masking involves concealing one's true self in order to fit into societal norms and expectations, often leading to exhaustion and a deep sense of disconnection from our authentic identity. The pressure to conform to neurotypical standards of behaviour, communication, and emotional expression, is a full-time job that pays in fatigue and burnout!

To truly honour the remarkable, genuine identities of autistic women, we must first acknowledge the challenges we face in a world that often misunderstands or overlooks our unique experiences. Autistic women frequently exhibit a range of strengths and talents that are often overshadowed by the necessity to mask our behaviours and traits. By removing these layers of pretence, we can create a space where our true selves can thrive, free from the burden of masks and societal expectations.

This journey towards authenticity involves fostering an environment that values neurodiversity and celebrates differences instead of stigmatising them. It requires education and awareness on the part of families, friends, colleagues, educators, healthcare professionals and communities to understand the divergence of autism, particularly in women, who may exhibit different traits than their male counterparts, often leading to under diagnosis.

For instance, while many autistic individuals may struggle with social interactions, autistic women might develop coping strategies that allow us to navigate social situations more effectively, come at a personal cost. Recognising these differences is crucial in supporting our needs and honouring our identities.

It is essential to provide platforms where autistic women can share our experiences and awkward moments without the fear of judgment or misunderstanding. This can be achieved through various means such as support groups, workshops, and online forums where we can connect with others who share similar experiences. By amplifying our voices, we not only validate our experiences but also empower us to embrace our identities fully. This empowerment can lead to increased self-esteem and a greater sense of belonging, which are vital for mental well-being.

Additionally, promoting acceptance of neurodiversity in workplaces and educational settings can help reduce the need for masking. Organisations can implement policies that accommodate different communication styles and sensory needs, fostering an inclusive environment. This not only benefits autistic women but also enriches the entire community by embracing a wider range of perspectives and talents. After all, why settle for a cookie-cutter team when you can have a buffet of unique flavours?

In conclusion, to honour the true identities of autistic women, we must commit to the awkward conversations that dismantle the societal pressures that demand masking. By encouraging authenticity, promoting understanding, and creating supportive environments, we can celebrate the unique contributions of autistic women, allowing us to shine in our full glory without the constraints of a marshmallow space suit. Together, let us work towards a future where every individual can express our true self freely and confidently.